Faith’s Crisis

Who are these people? I know them, but I do not recognise them. They brave jostling and smelly crowds without a complaint. They cause cities to shut down. They hustle all hurdles. And when they are back, they talk of these hurdles, not as complaints; but, just as an experience. There is an extreme lack of disgust of the hurdles, and just a hint of smile — when they describe the experience.

Why can’t I relate to it?

It seems that rational thought, practical practice, induced lethargy, scientific fears, logical explain-aways, and physical well-being are my own hurdles that I surround myself with. And my own experiences. All of these in the red corner. The Hurdles in the red corner. And Faith stands alone in the blue corner. That Faith can beat up all her opponents is not a doubt, when the bout starts. As a spectator, not knowing who you support, is.

Thousands in the audience, yet, I am the only one who see the Ghosts in the red corner. Those who walked away. Those who did not speak. Once upon a time, they were supposed to be in my corner. I was in their corner. And one day, I renounced the game. I was blind in one eye, bleeding, and swollen face, these ghosts just left. I had no one in my corner. I left the ring.

I still see those Ghosts. And I see that they have no corner. Except for a corner of convenience.

The game starts, and Faith is losing. It’s blind in one eye, bleeding, and has a swollen face. No one sees it, but I know the Ghosts are in the red corner. Faith is alone in her corner.

Faith is in crisis.

I don’t know the result of the bout. I left, before it was over. What’s the point in attending a sport, when you don’t belong to a team. When every jab or an upper-cut is just a technical incident. When you are bereft of belonging. When the Hurdles are yours, and Faith is yours.

On the long walk along Marine Drive, I wonder, if it is not about Faith winning over the Hurdles. If and when I get back into the ring, even I could beat the Hurdles. I am worried about the Ghosts.

I’ll go back to the game. I’ll be in the blue corner.

I need Faith to beat the Ghosts.

• crisis
• faith
• Ghosts
• hurdles