2016 Schizophrenia

2016 started, just a few minutes in, with me falling down and hurting myself. Tore my jeans. Badly bruised my knee, and other various events. While agreeing with a friend on something, I punched her hand. The next day, I was reminded, it works differently for different genders. Apparently, equality of the sexes is not black and white. I made a mental note: Guy friends and gal friends: Two different things. DO NOT PUNCH GIRLS ON THEIR HANDS.

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Money is one thing. Satisfaction is another. For a while, you can convince yourself that money is everything. Eventually, you will realise that satisfaction is important. I Left. Finding reasons not to do things is proof that you do not want to do things.

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Friends are the most important thing in life. Your life needs to revolve around them. Mostly. Actually, you are the most important thing in (your) life. Ask, if friends will come along; if they do not, walk alone. Not all of your friends have the time or inclination.

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I fell on the stairs in that badly designed staircase of that stupid pub. I carry the reminder on my shin.

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Things will change. You will get cheated. It’s not people, who always cheat you. Sometimes, systems do. And it may seem that it is people. One person in the system is not the system. Being cheated, while it is not the best experience, is a means for you to become wise.

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Loneliness and being alone are two very different things. When you know the difference, all is well. In 2016, I mixed them in a bad concoction. I put both of them in one jar and mixed them vigorously, hoping I’d have one thing to deal with.

145838: Men Drinking Tea

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In 2016, I lost many friends. So much, that I am bereft of most friends. Either my friends were being stupid, or I was. Or they didn’t understand me. It was my doing, mostly. I do not seek to regain them. I ask not for forgiveness. I curse myself for the reasons that I lost them. I was lost, and in that loss, I crossed lines, and in crossing those lines, I lost much.

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Reading above, it is easy to say that my 2017-self is (or could be) wiser. I would think so too. One more year in this life; however, I am not seeking wisdom. I am seeking happiness. I am seeking freedom.

from anger. from negativity. from cynicism. from bias.

I do not know that I can. But my 2017 will be all about it.

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Happy New Year to all of You!

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6 thoughts on “2016 Schizophrenia

  1. Being alone is not something ti be delt with but cherished, lived. Even chosen. At least every once in a while. I’d choose to seek wisdom over happiness, because, in the absence of wisdom, we sometimes don’t know what to do with happiness. And wisdom is an insurance against pain as well. Lovely write-up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s the confusion between being alone and being lonely – that is to be dealt with. Being alone is not a problem, at all (I often seek it)

      There is nothing that we need to “do” with happiness. We just need to be. Perhaps, therefore it cannot be sought. Wisdom is also similar I guess, we just acquire it over time. And the more we exercise it, the more we have of it. 🙂 Thank ye!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome to Gaizabonts! Yes, that seemed to be the pattern, didn’t it? 😀 I hurt myself more than a couple of times on my shin, but I thought it wasn’t worth all the details. Thank you for the wishes, wishing you a very happy new year too!

      Liked by 1 person

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