It’s a good thing that we have the rule of law in society. In most instances, an act that violates the ideal is evaluated against predefined and generally accepted norms, some form of punishment is meted out, and we go about living according to the norms.
Not so, when it comes to the matters of the heart.
Lawlessness is rampant in the heart. Emotions do not live by any rules or norms. They express themselves the way they want, in a way they want. They hurt when expressed, they hurt when unexpressed. Neither your heart nor another’s, knows what’s right or wrong. New emotions rise. In your heart, sometimes, in another’s. They hurt when expressed, they hurt when unexpressed. The cycle continues. They care less about belonging and more about being. They have no identity; just a presence. That’s all they care about: to be. And the multi-pronged riot is ongoing and unresolved, without the them and us.
Feelings are hurt or they die, new ones take their place, more deaths and victories occur in the absence of norms. The heart becomes a terrain of rotting still carcasses and unhinged victory dances.
That’s what makes the heart a place of contradiction, it allows all. Yet it remains a heart and lives on. In hope, that someday there will be a graceful ballet of all the good that it holds dear. It learns to forgive and it forgives, and then forgives some more. With nothing to control the riot, forgiveness and allowance is the only way it knows, how, to subside the riot. Time passes, and the heart forgives some more. Forgiving comes natural to it. It never realises that each time it forgives, it gives away a part of itself. After a while of forgiving, nothing remains of the heart, except the vestige of forgiving. And it continues to forgive.
Neither the one who gives nor the ones who are given, understand the nature of it.
Those who give, lose a sense of themselves every time, those who are given never realise that what they get can never be theirs. Forgiving is always only half a transaction. It can be given; never taken completely. What use, the forgiving by another heart, when it does nothing to check the anarchy within our own? If we were to ask for forgiveness within, we would start losing a bit of ourselves. An unimaginable situation. Therefore we ask that of others; but the mayhem within, forges unabated.
We are better off allowing the violence inside to continue and let the shards of the emotions tear at our tissues. Or, perhaps, we should forgive ourselves. We might lose a bit of ourselves and some of those demonic rioters.
And with that loss, we might allow ourselves to be lighter, so that we may walk.