As I was, for the Future

All the drafts have been either refined and posted or ruthlessly deleted. The emptiness of the drafts folder is scary. When the mind was blank there was always this folder to turn to and you could always pick out a draft and make tiny changes and entertain yourself in the false comfort that you were writing something. I never used to save drafts. If I did not complete writing something, I used to trash it. Recently, I have been saving drafts – for those times when I would come here empty-handed and gloomy.

The drafts were a faint reminder of a bygone inspiration and were reluctantly agreeable to being remixed like the re-hashed work of an outmoded music director. Now, even that thin thread has disappeared.

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But, not the need to write. That has not disappeared. It nags. And even though the tinsel of readership statistics and social influence has long been discarded as worthless, the need to write is strong as it was, if not stronger. Its character has changed slightly, though. The urge is not to write more, but to write better. And the better seeks a dive deeper than the words that are written.

My birthday is coming, says my blog. Give me the gift of being myself, once again, for ever.

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4 thoughts on “As I was, for the Future

  1. Not sure if this was a draft that was later refined or this was written in one sitting, but this is beautiful writing! 🙂

    I have always been averse to drafts. But this post has made me rethink my approach and I’m now going to introspect. Thank you for this.

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    • This was, what I’d call a “pure post.” Written after all the drafts were used up or discarded. I am reverting to my no-drafts policy, it creates the urgency and seriousness that has eroded for a while, on this blog. Thank ye! 🙂

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      • I have plenty of drafts – both in my wordpress dashboard and in my mind. But tinsel and other metallics aside, the urge to write is weak. Give my an adrenalin shot, ma friend.

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        • I’ve learnt that it doesn’t work – when it comes from outside. You have to self-adrenalinise. There’s always a trigger full of the urge. You have to find it yourself. Nothing I or anyone say’s will ever help. Go search. 😀

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