I am afraid. I like it.
I wonder if like and enjoy can be mutually exclusive. Meaning – can I like something I do not enjoy and vice versa. I am not sure. I am usually alone in the red corner, who advocates fear as something that motivates. In the blue corner, the cacophony of the crowd shouts me down. They never listen to me.
Fear, like ice-cream, has flavours.
There is fear in the form of terror. Not the terrorist-variety which airport security gives in to. Terror, that threatens more than life. A sense of powerlessness that threatens our very sense of being. I am not talking of that.
Then, there is numbing fear. It sucks out all possible responses we can offer as humans. It attacks and paralyses our ability to respond – renders us zombie-like – makes us tolerate all without acceptance. I am not talking of that.
There is, then, an everyday variety of fear. Where we build a multi-storey of what-if floors reinforced with home-grown-anxiety. It just takes us to places where we will possibly never be, but we travel nonetheless. I am not talking of that.
There is a variety of fear which is very positive. It pushes us out of our comfort zone. You may argue that it is not fear – but it surges from the same place where every other fear originates. Only, this time, the threat takes birth within yourself. It is not instinctive, this flavour; it is intuitive. It does not appeal to the base, it appeals at a higher order. It is not physical – it is philosophical. That’s the reason we often ignore it during its first appearances. We are better qualified to attack and win over instinctive fears – those that challenge our existence. The fears that challenge our being are often supplanted by those that challenge our base instincts.
It takes a while to understand this fear. Someday, we hear its charge. On the horizon we see, its annihilating force and prepare ourself for a life that is beyond our primary instincts. When we fight any flavour of fear, we hardly ever enjoy it.
But there are times when we like that experience.