Top Ten Heartbreak Reasons

There are many reasons in this world why love (or a marriage, therefore) doesn’t happen. It quite doesn’t matter who says no, but the reasons are always interesting.

1. I am not in love with you (whether I am in love with someone else is incidental)
The simplest, I think, but a bit rare. Half the people don’t quite know what love is, the other half believe something else to be love. The remaining – don’t bother to be truthful.

2. My parents will never agree
Yes, it’s my parents who need to spend the rest of their life with you, I am just a via media, and well, if they don’t quite like you, we shouldn’t get married. In any case, they are done having kids in this lifetime. This, I believe is the ultimate killer. In India at least.

3. Your parents will never agree
Same as above – just change the roles.

4. I never thought of you that way
I love this one! Never ceased to amaze me. It somehow means that you were (or are) a backup plan. This reason is often used in combination with Reason # 5. Reason # 5 is the true backup. Often affects those who have been in a long relationship. High school or college friends. Is one of the painful ones because of the high intimacy that already exists.

5. I have always thought of you as a friend (Usually followed by, We can remain friends can’t we?)
Classic backup case. If Reason # 4 has kicked in without Reason # 5, then it means there is another person in the equation. If Reason # 4 is used with Reason #5, then it means that “I am waiting for someone better to come along, but I’ll have you if that is what I have to settle for.” Victim almost always remains a friend – perpetrator almost always doesn’t.

6. Our horoscopes don’t match
I have never understood this one. It hasn’t been used with me, but I know a few who have been victims of celestial conspiracy. A difficult one to argue against unless you have a friendly depraved astrologer willing to give with a fresh astrological identity. It’s the same as what Jason Bourne and his likes do, they go for new passports and such, you go for a new place and time of birth.

7. I am gay/lesbian
If you get this one, I blame you. Period. You asked for it. If you didn’t see this coming, you need to be banished from love-land. Unless of course you are willing to have a sex-change or whatever that may still work.

8. I am/We should be focusing on my/our career now.
I like this one. See, when they go out on dates and all that, the career can go jump in a lake. It’s almost saying that if they get married or into a more serious/formal relationship, a career won’t happen. I like this one, I really do. Wonder how people get out of this one. Bury themselves in their own career?

9. Because you drink/smoke/gamble/womanize/etc
This is understandable. To an extent. It means that I like parts of you – not you, as such. So if I could just customize you the way I want to – that would be perfect. I like this one, because it gives a fairly clear message and if you are the types you believes in their own life in a way that makes you feel happy about it, it’s as good as being told – I don’t love you. Like Reason # 1, but packaged differently. Reason # 9 is actually Reason # 1 for the not so brave.

The last one is my favorite. It is really rare; I have never figured this one out. It haunts me.

10. You are too good for me.
Is this supposed to make you feel good about yourself or make you feel worse? I have never understood this one. So if I was a bit of an idiot, that would have worked? Or if I promise, not to be as good, will you then love me/marry me? I have never heard of anyone following this Reason with a comment like, “I’ll try and be as good as your are, so that we are equals, sort of.” Perhaps it is supposed to make the perpetrator look good – I leave you for someone else (who is as good). Something like, “You will find someone who will make you happier.” (Often also used as a follow-up on Reason # 5). Right. You obviously have a better idea of what will make me happy. But, the main question remains: Is this supposed to make you feel good about yourself or make you feel worse?

Any favourites I have missed?

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42 thoughts on “Top Ten Heartbreak Reasons

  1. I have been a victim of the tenth point myself:)
    How about, “you deserve all the happiness in the world” or “I am not worth your love”
    Good to be here after a long long time:)

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  2. I was going to ask if 10 is even possible, and the first comment answers my doubts :).

    10 seems like a HUGE gamble to me. Or is one supposed to have fallbacks after
    that?

    Err, I’m treating this as a “howto breakup effectively” blog.

    Okay here are a few more:

    * I don’t think it’s working out (obfuscation)
    * I am not getting good vibes about this (mystical angle)
    * You don’t love me anymore (counting on guilt?)

    I think I might have a career here.

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    • #10 doesn’t leave any possibility. There isn’t much that you can do, other than start over with someone else. Nah, this is a what-to-expect-when-in-love blog-post

      I’ll wait for a follow-up post. 😀

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  3. You’ve covered most reasons. However, there’s one which is believe is very common:

    “You’re not my types”

    Explains that people can actually be typified – like Type #1 matches Type# 6 the best but being with Type #2 can prove to be fatal.

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    • Hmm. I have heard this one often, but haven’t come across someone being told this on their face. It seems this is a more behind-the-back reason. This has actually been given as a reason to the victim? That’s nasty!

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  4. You have covered them all.

    I have got this one: it’s rare find. “I am in a strange place in my life…” At that point – given that it was my first time with this truly unique line – I was stumped. 😀

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  5. Good one atul….# 10 has to be the winner..

    I’ve got #10….meant to make you feel guilty about being good…”gosh if only I wasn’t this good it would be a done deal..it’s all my fault…hey but wait I can try and be all the things under #9..would it work then?? ” :))

    I’ve also got #10 in combo with #2….and an occasional #6.

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  6. There is no easy way to tell someone that I am not into you. While all the reasons one comes up are lame I think on hind sight I appreciate that people were ready to make an excuse and appear lame vs hurting me point blank.

    I do see the humor in this post don’t get me wrong.

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    • In that context, I think we often don’t take care to ensure that we do not send the wrong signals. The reason why someone feels that you into him (or her), must be because of some signals being received.

      I think lame opinions hurt more (in the long run) than a straight “I don’t love you.” This is one blow that cannot be softened.

      The post is funny *because* it is so sad!

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      • Funny 3 years down the line and I agree with you. Sometimes it is best not to soften the blow. I guess it depends on the phase of life we are in. I think this post is still funny especially since you would remind us about it today! 🙂 Clever!… and just because…

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  7. i have been guilty, of the intent behind all the reasons. but i dont think i have ever used any. to me, its always been vague. there has been no reason, or may be several reasons, but ultimately, sometimes, i think such things are not in our control (no, i don’t mean to sound escapist)

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    • I guess that’s where these “funny” responses come from – the vagueness. Love itself is a very abstract concept, the position of not being in love has to be abstracter (if there is such a word). How do you know you aren’t in something when you don’t know what that something is?

      Not all of the excuses above are necessarily escapist – most of them are borne out of confusion and dilemmas. In these cases, I think, intent hardly counts, because the damage (that the excuse causes) blinds you to the intent.

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  8. well, in some ways, i would disagree. if we knew we were in love, we could well know when we’re not, or have ceased to be.

    i admire the clarity of your thinking and articulation, atul. hats off!

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    • If, we knew love, then we would know whether we are in or out. The problem starts much before – how do we know – and importantly – since it’s such an abstract concept – how do we know when two people in love are “in” the exactly same thing.

      Thank you, my man, you make me think.

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  9. Woh bhooli dastan lo phir yaad aa gayi! 😦 Actually, went down memory lane reading the points! Quite aptly covered! 🙂 By the way, I really enjoy reading your blogs!

    Like

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