The Road Less Travelled

I went to a place today that was very angry. Deep down, it was sad and hurting, but all it could express, was anger.

I do a lot of play with words when I write on this blog. And therefore a dictionary and a thesaurus are always around to help me find the accurate word. A few asked me after my return — how was it?

I do not have a word or words for that, even a phrase, a sentence, a paragraph or pages, will never be able to explain — how I felt.

I can tell you, however, there were many people, it was crowded.

I can tell you people were distributing free water bottles. I can tell you the police supported and were grateful to every man, woman and child who was there, in body or spirit. I saw tremendous respect in the eyes of the people as they looked at the uniformed personnel at the Taj. I can tell you that there were shivers of goose pimples for a few seconds every few minutes in that forty-five-minute walk that usually takes five minutes. I can tell you, I loudly and proudly sang the National Anthem, more times than I have sung it in the last ten years. I can tell you, there was sloganeering, candles on the streets and at the Gateway.

I can tell you all that I saw, that I did.

I cannot, but, tell you, how I felt.

Yet, a few new meanings were discovered that I hadn’t uncovered after having mined all dictionaries and thesauri.

Solidarity, for example. And fervour. Unity.

Identity.

That last word has been an important word for me. All these days it meant my photo on some paper with my name, endorsed by a government official. It seems that one way to find your identity is to loose yourself in a crowd that is two hundred thousand strong. It emerges within you and engulfs you.

Many asked what will change? Some asked if this is all that we can do?

I don’t know.

What I know, however, is that for anything to start (and survive the test of time) there has to be a meeting of minds. A sense of purpose and a sense of ownership and knowledge of how you fit in.

Well, it just started; all, very well.

A Change of Religion

Posts like these will need to move to a different location. Not that they affect the genre of this blog in anyway, but these are precious, in the sense that they will need a platform of their own for them to transform into action.

My previous post has received some interesting feedback — emotional, even if it is.

In the previous post I was wondering what would fear (instead of resilience) in our hearts mean to the rest of country, especially the spineless Centre. More, an expression of, the heart crying out of the disadvantage that this city faces due to its resilience (Ironic, that in such times resilience has become a four-ten-letter word. One tight slap is due from Anumita, will take it willingly). The post was probably misleading, in a way. But then coherence wouldn’t be he hallmark of any expression in the last three days, would it?

Amit recently started a conversation on Facebook, which has the seeds of becoming something significant in the days to come. I spoke of political activism in that note. Not participation, necessarily. Joining politics is not the only answer. Being aware and active is they key. How many of us really know where we stand as citizens? Apart from our arm-chair views and our deep-hidden desire to shoot all politicians?

I am faced with a very interesting situation in the place I live. There are a few problems in the community where I reside. A microcosm of this country, run on similar precepts that keeps this country on its feet. These problems have been ongoing for a while. And now that I am residing here and becoming more aware of the intricacies of the situation, I realise why we haven’t ever been able to solve the problem.

In order as they occur to me:

One. There is no direct statement of the problem. We seem to be going around the symptoms again and again. We seem to be cursing (no, not looking to eradicate) the virus that causes the symptoms. Not even those that can solve the problem can do anything — they do not know what to solve.

Two. There is too much of noise. So much, that nothing can be heard. Chaos prevails according to choice and the reigning emotion. Any soft sane voice is drowned in the din. Anger spews out where it isn’t deserved. No one knows where it is deserved, it is just randomly spit in all directions, hoping the cause of the problem will stand somewhere in the line of fire; die.

Three. There is no participation. There will always be someone else who suffers as much, who will pick up the gun. From behind the cordons there is strong condemnation; or cheering. No one is willing to pick up the gun and go in; search the problem; shoot it down. Someone else will do it.

Four. No one wants to be the bad guy. We want cordial relations with everyone; we do not want to hurt anyone. Every person is willing to stand behind you, no one in front. Everyone agrees with you, no one is willing to stand by you.

Five. There is no knowledge of your own standing. Who are you in the community? What authority, representation do you have? What are the responsibilities of the office bearers? What is the method for communication? Decorum?

Six. Solution Fatigue. The most important one — the ability to resign to fate and manage a problem in a nuclear way. The easiest way out. Because the community cannot solve the problem, I will solve it for me, even if it is at the cost of other community members. A short-term solution. Call everything shit and walk away. Instant-ness of the world we live in is seeping into the way we look and approach and walk away from problems.

I?

I refuse to resign to fate and the possibility of someone acting on my behalf, unchecked, while I remain ignorant of my duties and rights in a noise that deafens a sane voice that works towards a better future, without fear.

I have a new religion and I follow a new book.

Make it Matter

In the mix of emotions that gripped the city for the last three days, one emotion stood out bold.

Anger.

I am hoping for another emotion to stand out high, in the days to come.

Fear.

It is the almost stupid bravado of this city that is cause for the repeated assaults on this city. Fear must grip this city hard and bring it to a halt. At least once. When the lifeline (Read: Money) to the Centre is cut off for good, I think they will realise that this is a city that needs to keep working; kept safe.

And if you are not willing to be afraid of terror, be very afraid of being ignored till yet another event unfolds.