Category Archives: Remainders

Remains of the Day: 013

With every such post – I keep thinking I must change it to “Remains of the Month”, because that is what these posts are about. But I remind myself that Remains of the Day is a metaphor, of sorts and let it be.

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IMG_8915.jpg“Planning a holiday” is the most ironic thing ever. Where’s the time to enjoy? The plan sets expectations and when things don’t go according to the plan – you end up ruining the holiday. All through the holiday, you are a slave to the plan – because you have planned it – you want things to happen just the way you imagined it. And you are sure to imagine it all wrong – because you can never plan to relax.

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Overtaking has a life lesson inherent in it. Reaching a place in time is important and advantageous. If you are reckless in your ambitions however, there is a good chance you will wreck yourself. You will see many examples of impatience along the way. How and possibly why they will never reach their goal. Some of the vehicles that you will need to overtake are long. You will have to wait for a good opportunity before you can overtake them. You will find good drivers in your life, who will ask you to wait and provide cover till the road is clear – when it is they will give you the signal to go ahead. Not every one will be good and helpful though. Some will not be bothered that you want to get ahead. Starting early is always the good option. The ride is easier – you have lesser reasons to make mistakes. You will also have to learn to be flexible and decide whether getting there at a particular instant is important – or – getting there is important.

You will see it reflected in your driving.

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I watched an anchor dropping. There is something so trustworthy about an anchor; its shape, its form. It just exudes confidence and a sense of security.

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Rituals are funny, that way. Often, they are pompous and cloud the intention. We pay so much attention to the ritual and the mechanics of it all, we forget the intention behind the ritual. The ritual then, becomes the intention. The drama becomes the reality.

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My relationship with water took a new turn. I went in. Well, almost. Snorkelling was a good experience. I think I was watching myself from the boat, wondering what had got into me that made me be so adventurous. It was a nice first step and a wonderful experience.

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It is indeed sad and unfortunate that MTDC has some of the best tourism properties that are under a state of rapid decay.

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Beer. I thought about beer this month and the problem of beer in India. The problem is called Kingfisher. I tweeted this problem in eight tweets:

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Remains of the Day: 012

The breeze comes in from all sides. It plays in loops and curves and straight lines. You feel a chill and you wonder why, suddenly you feel the wind in your face. There is also so much that you can see – that you could never see before. There are no encumbrances and you are able to see afar. You wonder, again – how you have never seen that far, before. You are exposed to the elements when you are not surrounded by anyone. It would be poetically apt to say that your mind is clear, but alas! It continues to carry the tangled wire-mesh of confusion, but you now have a better chance of spreading it and more space to untangle it. It is a new feeling – this sense of being alone – wrapped in the double-helix of fear and excitement. It is a new experience – this effort of de-stagnation – from the prison of known misery.

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Erich Fromm’s philosophy of freedom has almost completely been hovering like a permanent cloud. I see a sliver of the blue sky from the corner of my eye. There was too much leaning on freedom from… and hardly any thought to freedom to…. It is akin to escaping from prison, but not having anywhere to go. The clouds are moving east now.

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Creativity is best applied in solving problems. Unfortunately all creative energy is directed towards making excuses. Intent fuels creativity. We’re pushing it on an empty tank.

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There are some mistakes – blunders even – you will have to commit. As wise as you may think you are – no learning is as forceful as experience itself. Books can’t teach you everything.

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There will always be a rescue at hand. Usually we are busy drowning, paying attention to how high the water has reached and the speed at which we are downing. We miss the hand that is held out for us. Usually, it’s Paul Simon’s songs.

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I believe in second chances. In the rare instance perhaps; a third. After that, it is time to let go. A wise man once told me about the nature of bad financial transactions. If someone isn’t giving you money that’s due, there are only two reasons: either he doesn’t have it or he doesn’t want to give it to you. Either of the reasons will not work for you. Let go. The wise man left it to me to know that the axiom works in different contexts.

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The longest and the fiercest war is fought within; it wages incessantly. Our resources are directed without, while we lose battles within. It’s a call for redeployment.

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In the end, we remain. That is the only remainder of time and events. We’ll have to take care of that.

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PS: This post carried with it, the possibility of a very long post – for this remainder would apply to a year too. It ran the risk of TL;DR, but thankfully it was salvaged.

Remains of the Day: 011

This month ended on a very exciting note. No wonder this post is late. WordPress allows date manipulation, so thank them, for that. Excitement is like that, I guess, it makes you forget things. We get carried away as we prolong those moments of feeling good.

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It was wonderful having the cousins over – and a family gathering, which seemed like an extinct phenomenon, was a great event to shake us all out of our ennui of routine-ness. It’s always good to plan things, but it is equally important to allow surprises to sneak in. My nieces brought us much joy, newer members to the family were unofficially inducted and much fun was had with long, coffee-laced conversations, that welcomed the pleasant mornings.

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Years of others telling us things about us makes us believe those things about us which aren’t really true. (Often they are opinions.) Some of us are afflicted by this. Some time the affliction is serious and chronic. Some times, however, all we need is an event for us to see ourselves for who we really are. It usually helps if none of the people around you know you. They have no baseline. In that moment, if you are able to be yourself, it becomes the baseline.

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The world has much to offer. Open your hand and seek it. It will give willingly. It is the cynical mind that sits in the last row of the auditorium, closest to the exit, and is never able to see clearly.

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A car tyre can teach you a lot. There are times when you can plug the puncture. You have to know when you need to change the tyre. If you wait till you get to a specialist to tell you that, you would have spent a lot of money and time plugging holes that will never get plugged permanently. I have no idea when and how you will know it. But, now I know this is how things work.

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Richard Bach said it right; you teach best what you most need to learn.

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Time is such a funny thing. You never have it. Yet, our language and our behaviour describes time as something that we possess. It plays its own game and we believe otherwise. In Mumbai, we measure distances in time. Like it is currency. In life, we measure relationships and growth in time. Like it is an indicator.

 

 

Remains of the Day: 010

When you realise that something that you said that you hated had no foundation for the hatred, you cannot continue hating it. It’s not just about a fresh perspective, it is about objectivity. The aspects that are revealed to you are wondrous – and there’s much more that you can enjoy, now. Hate is a strong word; mostly, we just intensely dislike. And if we attempt to look at it from a distance it is usually inherited.

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Taking up a challenge – whether offered or self-inflicted – needs a context. Especially if you are taking up the challenge to bring change and not just for the short-term win. Else, we will wander without purpose and fill up this world with more of meaninglessness.

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There’s a good chance that you are much better, much smarter than you think you are. Someone else will have to tell you that for you to know it. Not everyone will tell you how bad you are, however. Most people consider it impolite to point out your flaws.

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Adjacent birth dates and death dates offer an interesting 48-hour window for contemplation.

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Every month cannot throw up loads of learning. Some months, just pass you by.

Remains of the Day: 009

It was all set, then it changed. After it changed for the first time, it was reset. Then it it was nothing, and finally it become something else altogether. Embracing change unconditionally is difficult during the change. It’s much easier, when it is all done – and you are able to see the beauty in it.


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New year’s eve is actually like any other night. The first day of the year is like any other day of the year. But the glamour associated with it makes us want to participate in its significance. It perhaps provides us a sense of purpose and meaning. There is celebration and contemplation: often occurring simultaneously. And in that slight moment celebration overcomes contemplation.

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We are too preoccupied by the mechanics of everything. To take a road through a forest to enjoy what it has to offer is clouded by the worry of the road’s seclusion. The dwindling daylight. We have to stop there; in the middle of the road. Remind ourselves of the purpose. Be aware of the environment, of course, but more importantly be aware of ourselves. And it works for things other than roads in forests.

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Doing nothing is bloody difficult.

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Watching fire (like a campfire) is therapeutic. The dance of the flames is mesmerising. Wind and fuel choreograph it to perfection. You can even take anything from your mind and toss it in the fire. Sadness burns very well. Watch it burn, crackle and become ash that will blow away in the morning. You can even toss wood.

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There is no third-party out there. A big blob-kind-of-a-thing, with many names and forms, that causes everything and has all the answers. It just does not exist. It’s just you. It is enough that you know what the truth is. If you look for validation, there is a good chance you do not know the truth.

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Once in a while, you will wonder about why you like certain things.

Remains of the Day: 008

Being honest can be a costly affair. Being honest and expressive can be costlier. And the currency in which you will pay can vary. And you will never know how you will pay, till you actually get to the counter — and then, there is no turning back. But pay you must – for the ghosts of suppression are worse villains. Honesty, though costly – is a one-time affair; being dishonest is a never-ending, one-way transaction of give; not take.

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It is good to know the value of having people in your lives. And, it is enough to just know. Trying continuously to check the value can cause the value to diminish. Don’t keep checking the value of this portfolio like you do with your stocks and mutual funds.

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Nurture your intuition and instincts. They will serve you longer than all the information that you can gather through your Twitter or RSS feed. Allow yourself that smile and moment of pride when your instincts have been proved right. They’ll be happy and keep coming back to you.

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Never confuse time and friends. They are two separate, mutually exclusive things. Be wary of those who try and build a connection between the two. The one excuse a true friend will never use – is the lack of time. Filter.

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All the dreams that you have, are useless and amount to nothing. They are intangible and devoid of matter. They may mean much to you; your life, as you imagine it very different, but eventually, they amount to a zero-ness. They have no power within themselves, to realise themselves. Only you can realise them.

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Respect effort. Even when it goes to waste. Especially when it is yours.

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Write a comment on this post, if you have reached this word. Say something. Anything meaningful. I challenge you — especially because with Likes on Facebook and +1s on Google+ we are entering the era of minimal-mass-micro-expressions. Do not, ever, lose the ability to describe what you feel. Someday when your convenient buttons will be unavailable you will struggle with yourself.

Remains of the Day: 007

People have often talked about the power of networking. I have yielded to that maxim, often. Like most folks, I went overboard. Over the years, however, I have learned that quality trumps quantity. It applies to networking too (As it does everywhere else). 80-20 is an amazing axiom. Knowing more people is less valuable than knowing a few people who are interested in your life. Even if they are a handful, they will enrich your life in more ways than you can imagine. They do not have to do anything. They enrich it by sheer presence. It works both ways, however – you need to have an interest in their life as well.

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People like the romantic notions of what they do. They amplify these notions. Usually, because what they do is not that romantic as they imagine. Just human. They like to believe that it applies to them. Only because it is romantic. Like an empty envelope of a false promise. It does not mean that they will live by it. A person walks up to you and says – give me a blank canvas and I will create the best art you have ever seen. Give them the blank canvas. It is in your interest to know whether they live by the romantic notion or just a utopian concept that they wish upon – like a shooting star. A wish, a dream, bereft of action. You will get hurt, but the experience (if you will cash it in) is worth all the stars in the universe. Being wiser is a slow process.

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People will use you. Because that is what they think networking is.  Some will have the advantage of common and shared DNA. They will use it to maximum advantage — for themselves. If, at the end of it – you feel lousy, do not curse them – when they walk away from you – as you see their backs, fading away from you, carrying the riches that you think they don’t deserve. Learn to curse yourself first, for the lack of courage that caused this piracy of goodwill.

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People will never forgive you. Your first crime, small as it may be, will be the determinant of what they see you as. You have to learn to forgive yourself rationalise to know what caused that crime. If you are not sure why you live your life the way you live your life – you will always be slave to these unforgiving demons. Your responses will be dependent on their questions. Defensive. Seeking forgiveness. Sometimes, they are not the demons. You are. In a dark place. Orcs. Mindless brutes. Slaves to demand and selfish opportunity.

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People, usually, have no interest in the small pleasure that you derive in life. Mostly. If, what you feel happy about, does not resonate with the notion of their perception of who they think you are, they will not appreciate that joy in your life. They will consider it trivial. Unlike what you have been taught, not all joy can be shared. Because most of them will never understand your small joy. If they have been taught to be nice – they will, at best, patronise you. Then, there will be some who will rejoice more than you. Learn to hold on to those.

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People will say many things. Nice things and ugly things. If you are the person that you imagine you are, it will not bother you, else, you will spend a lifetime toggling between the “he-saids” and the “she-saids.”

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People are important in your life. We know this inherently – and usually for that reason, we take them for granted. Humans have a very strong faculty to know when they have been taken for granted. They may or may not do something about it – but they will always know. Unfortunately, we usually take the most important people in our life for granted. And we create a distance. If you really love them, let them know that you love them – in a way that they want to be told. Tough? None of us were born with promises of easy. Love is so much sweeter when it leaves you than when it enters you. Love.

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People are in abundance in London. I used to be one of them, once. I miss being a part of that.

Remains of the Day: 006

Where you sit and where they are is always a position of varying degrees of conflict. But it need not remain so, unless you refuse to get up and walk around.

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Your beliefs, especially about organised religion, will change with time. Ironically, it is defined in how religion is organised. You’ll have to understand the organisation better than the religion, if you ever want to understand religion. We will discover that religion is an abstraction, rather than a discrete form of practice.

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Two of your best friends born two days apart, is interesting trivia.

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IMG 0492Some folks are really not worth the trouble you go through in life. There is, apparently no specific way to know this; it will hit you unawares, like a hammer one idle drive on the NH17 on a Sunday afternoon in Kashedi Ghat, or somewhere else. Pay attention to those blows on your head.

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Death is a word, a concept and an event, but never all of these at the same time. Interpret one for the other and you will have done one of three things: created darkness in your mind, enlightened yourself, or lifted yourself above petty thoughts.

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I don’t hate water. I just love mountains more.

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The air is dense with fresh opportunities. We have to learn, not to breathe stale fears.

Remains of the Day: 005

A conversation that seemed complete, but apparently not, got completed by an email that followed a while later. But, the conversation is still not complete. That’s one good thing about conversations. They don’t have to end.

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Why some people do some things can never be understood. All you can do is accept what you feel about what they do without demanding the truth. Because even truth has shadows. You will never see it all.

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There should not be a hierarchy in respect. All you can (and should) do is respect yourself and your values. Everybody around you feels your respect when your self-respect is evident.

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If and when love starts being determined by certain events, certain behaviours, and certain words, then it is not love. It is just a phase that you should not fret over.

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There’s no such things as “being lost.” It’s just a missing frame of reference. And more often than not, that frame of reference is borrowed; belongs to someone else. It’s nice to be lost, sometimes.

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Sometimes, if you lay down all your beliefs on the ground, nicely, one after the other, you will see that there are many that don’t belong to you or those that have been contaminated by others. It’s good to do a clean-up once in a while.

Remains of the Day: 004

I think I had very high expectations when I started this series of compressing a month into a post. Not the expectations that I’d actually write about the remains at the end of the month, but the running serial number. I used three digits. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was hoping to write for at least 999 months. Haven’t managed to write that many posts in six years, but, well.

I was at loggerheads with most of the population lamenting the onset of the monsoons. I have a different relationship with the rains, one that many don’t agree with. Thankfully these were delayed by a week or so.

A significantly huge decision went on hold for various reasons. I wonder if that’s good or bad. Unfortunately we can never tell when we need to know. You always get to know the effect of situation only when everything is done and completed, and then it only has academic interest. I guess, when we have many such incidents, we become advisors and consultants. Some call it experience.

Deaths and births continue their dreary and happy journey; deaths in the generation before you and births in the generation after you. Because of the deaths in the generation before you, there is not much of a chance of a birth in your generation, but when a death occurs in your generation, it is unnerving.

There were many upsets in the FIFA world cup, nothing upset me however, because I am not following it. I have found that I cannot watch any sport dispassionately and that usually causes angst. While I haven’t played anything much for a long while now, I’d prefer playing than watching. There is purposeful passion in that, methinks.

A Bit of a Blur

Most of all, June jolted me out of the sense of Weltschmerz, which I was not aware of. There was a blissful ignorance of the lack of awareness of the world I lived in. There is a sense of braided sense of fear, excitement and curiosity that wraps me now. It’s a wonderful feeling to be learning again; most of all, it is a wonderful feeling to recall how you learnt within a structure and out of it — and think about how you will learn hereafter. There’s unlearning, relearning and learning, all at the same time.

June did justice, you could say.