And 300, It Is

It’s like a dash – the last reserves of your energy to get there – to the ribbon. The exhilarating feel of the ribbon on the chest – in days to come: the invisible cut of the infra-red beam by the first cell of your body that severs it.

The tea-maker told me a hundred posts ago that I had cheated – and I shall indulge in such cheating once again, this time five more times than the last time. Technically, I have possibly crossed the 300th, because WordPress failed to import a few posts from February 2006. But I am neither complaining nor disclaiming. You could say I am getting better at cheating.

It’s almost a burden – when you are just a few steps away from the milestone. Better get it off you chest.

But I want to rest a while. Do things that are equally as close to heart.

I read a lot about blogging – as a phenomenon, as a tool, arguments for and against it. I talked with a few people about the meaning of it all – and their perceptions. I have questioned myself enough about the purpose – because I am a firm believer in purpose.

And I stumbled on posts like this. I found kindred spirits.

In the recent past, most of my posts have abstracted themselves out of the context in which they were conceived. I have been questioned about that. Even blamed of the potential nonsensical-ness of it all. The comments have been waning. If there is pleasure in incidents and gory details of who said what – then there is always the movie gossip magazine. I once began writing a post which now has twelve words of unfinished text after I read this post that referred to this post. I don’t think I make a difference to the world. This blog is too inconsequential to be able to do that. Most blogs are. What my blog does however, is make a difference to who I am and how I see things. It allows me to express what I think, know from others what they think about what I think. It provides me a way to fine tune my thinking. To recalibrate my notions of things. Its one thing to have a thought – a completely different to be able to express it in the right way.

A small digression here: making a difference is often not a conscious choice. It comes out of a context. Imagine Mahatma Gandhi wasn’t thrown out of a train in South Africa. It’s almost destiny; (as much as I hate to admit it) the trigger is what helps make a difference.

Those rare days, when that one spike in a WordPress blog stat graph nearly touches the sky, and yet is pulled down by the day before and the day after. The one day Gaizabonts was featured on Desipundit. It’s as my artist friend tells me – huge canvases – those are the ones that sell.

The mark of how much your blog is your personal diary vs. an expression for others to see is the number of times that you go to your blog and check the stats and your sitemeter and such. What would we be if we just spoke with ourselves – where and what would be the significance of Web 2.0?

Blogging in isolation of the world to see and respond to is a thought. I wonder then, why such blogs aren’t private. All blogging services offer that. I enjoy the adulation I get out of blogging; I won’t deny it.

30-odd years of life and only 300 thoughts in three years (and a bit) is not a call for celebration, what is, however, is that this is a beginning. 4000, perhaps in the next. Wishful thinker.

I’ll see you after a while. Maybe short, maybe long, but a while it will be.

Cheers!

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32 thoughts on “And 300, It Is

  1. I suppose if you’ve decided that you will never make difference to the world you never will. I don’t understand why a person would ever decide that.

    With the power to write that you obviously have you can teach mind to think about thoughts in news than they have previously thought. With the ability to write what you feel, you could touch a heart, and maybe you might actually lighten someone’s burden a bit.

    But you have argued that this will not be so and so it will not be. That is your right.
    Liz

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  2. I suppose if you’ve decided that you will never make difference to the world you never will. I don’t understand why a person would ever decide that.

    With the power to write that you obviously have you can teach mind to think about thoughts in new ways than they have previously thought. With the ability to write what you feel, you could touch a heart, and maybe you might actually lighten someone’s burden a bit.

    But you have argued that this will not be so and so it will not be. That is your right.
    Liz

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  3. Hi atul!
    very interesting post…I keep asking myself many questions abt why I blog, abt checking the sitemeter, the number of comments, the gratification it gives…I write on paper before I type on the pc…and the consciousness of readers inhibits my expression of thoughts- a few years ago, I began as talking to myself, and today, however few the readers to my page might be, it still has changed something in the way my innate thoughts get translated into words on the page- I prefer the unedited version in my diary… tho I dont distort, i definitely edit. :-)
    but one thing I can say, I enjoy reading others blogs- and so look fwd to u’r posts- and hoping to c u soon ?
    btw, did not get to read the namesake. You know what? the colony assocn had a skirmish with the library and they did not come down last week…when i heard of it first, I cannot quite express the feeling of disappointment…my thoughts went to such ridiculous extents, I hear they’ll come nextweek- Let’s see…

    as for the tendency in your posts to abstracting away from context, I liked that- letting the thoughts crate its own path instead of ploughing a channel and then driving the thoughts along it…

    shall keep coming back to c if u’re back…
    untill then enjoy doing the other thigns that are equally close to your heart
    warm regards
    ardra

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  4. ==Liz:
    First of all, welcome to Gaizabonts! :) ; no problems with the double comment.

    I haven’t decided that I won’t make a difference – I didn’t mean that (not as good a writer, if that came out ;) )

    The point here was that a trigger and a purpose need to be defined for that to be a conscious choice that converts to specific action – as you say. Until then it does make a difference in very small ways – like the two responses here for example.

    And I didn’t mean to say it will not be so :)

    ==Abaniko:
    I know Abaniko and thank you – that’s what keeps me going :)

    ==Sushma
    Thank you! :)

    ==Ardra:
    Thank you. That’s a very interesting point @ editing paper posts for the online versions. :)

    Sure I’ll be back as soon as possible – just clearing my head after the near trauma (:P) of waiting to get to the 300th.

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  5. it does make a change to some of us who visit here – really. so keep going and we’ll love being with u and ur words :) yes, there are times when the posts do get a lil too abstract for my thinking, but i think thats what nice about this space – wandering in the abstraction and trying to make sense!

    the fact that – like u’ve mentioned that this whole blog thingy makes a difference to YOU is enough reason i suppose.

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  6. Even if you manage to touch or for that matter, change one life or at least an aspect of a life, you should consider your blog of some significance. Trust me, most of the times you will never know if your blog ever did. But that shouldn’t deter you. Do it while you enjoy it.

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  7. ==Dharma:
    Thank you Dharma. And I love our comment conversations, as if that isn’t obvious. And yes, it does make a difference to me – being able to put a thought in words – as incomplete as they maybe – still helps be clearer about things. :)

    ==Rita:
    Thank you & will do! :) Not going anywhere – love it here.

    ==Prashant:
    Yes I did – now you know what all that build up was about!

    ==Patrix:
    Welcome to Gaizabonts! Well said and thank you. I guess it does change small things – and we often don’t realise it then – but it becomes apparent slowly – and that just makes it all worth the while.

    ==Neo:
    Thank you Neo :)

    ==Vivek:
    Welcome to Gaizabonts! Each post actually, like you say – becomes a beginning of sorts – makes you want to do better.

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  8. Even if you had nicked the ball, but the umpire didn’t raise the finger. You didn’t walk. You continued till the triple century. No matter what they may say in the post match discussions, a triple hundred will stay, for ever, in the record books. After all it is the score that matters. Keep on batting… oh! blogging.

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  9. yes, the conversations are really cherished by me too. conversing isn’t something that comes easily to me and gaizabonts has surprised me in that sense.

    oh, and i just saw ur previous posts and couldn’t help smiling. it was almost like tendulkar – nearing his ton, and then waiting, drawling, plodding to get there. :)

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  10. ==Soumyadip:
    You are too kind. But I think this way of getting to the mark is now becoming too stale. Perhaps it shall be another way. Because after having a couple of records under your belt, it’s just easier to play the game – you know the classy strokes that people comment about. Just the movement of the bat of a dot ball. Will stay at the crease.

    ==EU
    Thank you.

    ==Sush:
    Tribulations they are, tiny though they may be. Thank you & Cheers!

    ==Dharma:
    One part of blogging that excites me is the writing – helps find expression. What exhilarates, however, are the conversations – they just help refine and broaden the horizon. The feeling is mutual.

    Yes, a few careful singles and I got there ;)

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  11. Congratulations!

    I wonder why people tag their every action with “making a difference to the world at large”. Not everything has to about being the deliverer. I think you got it right when you said that it makes a difference to you and that it helps you fine tune your thinking. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters. If in the process, it comforts someone else, makes them happy or more importantly if it makes them think, all the more better.

    As long as it keeps your inner dialog going, keep blogging. Hope to see more of gaizabonts and quite soon.

    Referring to the small digression, a great deal of who we are, what we do and what we become, comes out of context. Change a few parameters in the context and you can’t really tell if you will still be the person that you are. You are ‘you’ in the ‘context’!

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  12. ==NMED:
    Elementary, dear watson? You know, this comment makes deep sense even to the post that you have commented on, though you are responding to my comment on your post! :)

    ==Explorer:
    Thank you very much!

    Wanting to make a difference is probably a factor of seeing the things around you – wanting a change really. Sometimes its only that. I see folks around who set out to make a difference and some of them seem so ill-guided to their purpose. It just seems contrived to me – to “take” on a purpose, if it isn’t your own. Like you said, our context makes us!

    And yes, new post on Gaizabonts! :)

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  13. I see your point. I guess somewhere along the line, I seem to have concluded “the wanting and the making the change happen part” as too far-fetched an idea. Which is probably I find it far more settling to settle for the lesser goal and attainable goal of fine tuning my thinking.

    Oh, yes. Looking forward to it. Let’s see who gets there first! ;)

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  14. ==Explorer:
    Umm.. Not about settling down; the kind that is akin to compromise – but just that – it’s important to evolve first before causing evolution. Something like that. :)

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